I could do my homework. Nahh.

Last night, as I'm falling asleep, I started thinking about things. And not normal things, things like "have I ever really loved? or was it all just a facade for lust?" And now I have no idea. I was thinking about all the people I've ever been with, and I've never felt the safety that I wanted to in their arms. My thing is that I want to feel safe when I'm with a person and that no one could ever hurt me while I was with them. But to tell you the truth, I can honestly say I've never really felt that. I think I've felt a false sense of security, where I've convinced myself that I felt that, when I really didn't. But the one person who made me feel safe is someone who I used to love, but I don't anymore. Someone who I can never be with and someone that could and always be my best friend. He's such a great person that I don't know where I'd be without him. And when he hugged me, I felt so safe and so secure. But recently, I haven't talked to or seen him in awhile, and I've been able to sustain myself. I've been able to hold onto what I felt was something that I would've had to tell him in the past. Maybe I'm becoming self-sufficient, or maybe I've just taught myself to live without someone who I can really trust.

But I miss it. I sincerely do. I never talk to him and I miss him. He's not a love interest. He's just my best friend, and I hope that other things don't get in the way before we lose all contact whatsoever. 

Emily