I'm Quite The Joke To You...

I don't think I've ever wanted to blog this bad. I wanted to do a late night blog whilst on vacation, but I never had the charger/laptop because Momma always wanted it late. Whatever...here goes.

I kept having the weirdest dreams. I had this one where I ended up dating a guy who I hated this past school year. I had another dream where I went on a road trip with a guy who ended up being a nerdfighter, and we fell in love. It sucks waking up from dreams like those, because I know I'm just gonna end up feeling lonely again. I haven't been in a relationship for almost 2 years, and the past year of my life, I didn't kiss anyone. I came close, but nothing ever came of it. It sucks, and I just sit in an empty hotel room, and realize "Oh hey, you're lonely, and no matter how much you wish that something good will happen to you, you know it never will." I'll listen to love songs, and hope that one day I can dance to one with a guy I really like. But each time I hear the song, I just want to cry. And maybe it's my fault that I never get anywhere with someone. I'm just so upfront about dumb things, and make jokes that should never be said. It hurts that people who are (no offense) way less attractive then I am, find someone and I can't. And that's not to say that I'm a concieted person, it's just sucks when someone who looks like a boy finds a boyfriend and I can't. I try so hard to look my best and to present myself in a way that is appealing, but all I get from people is that they hate my personality and I'm annoying. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but I just feel like I need this approval. And I keep thinking that maybe if I dress differently, maybe if I look different, maybe if I lost the glasses, and lost some weight, then someone would find me attractive. But I try so hard and people wonder why I look different. I just have one question for you people:

What am I doing wrong?

I try. I really do. But honestly, is there anything I can do to make myself more appealing? Because I can almost never find comfort in anything. The one thing that makes me feel a bit better is music. I can find comfort in the songs of people feeling lonely, and comfort in break up songs. 

I'm just gonna feel hollow for now. I think I'll be okay.

listening to: A Little Bit Longer, Jonas Brothers.

PS: Before any of you rip on me for liking the Jonas Brothers, A Little Bit Longer is about diabetes, a disease that both Nick Jonas and I have. Please just realize that it's not about them being mega-stars, it's about the disease. Just...chill.