Sensitivity.

I am legitimately confused with myself. So I've come to the conclusion (after some very very very odd signs, that I am completely taking on superstitiously) that I am kinda sorta swearing off sex until...a while. I've been watching a lot of movies, tv shows, and youtube videos where people just end up getting pregnant, not to mention that there are a megaload of preggars girls attend my school (which, in hindsight, isn't really because of my town, there's a home for pregnant girls in my hometown). But pregnancy is such a scary thing to think about and I just don't want it to happen to me. I'm not ready yet. So I will keep my promise to myself to remain a virgin until I'm completely ready and not to rush things or get pressured into things. 

So there's a kinda blog for you.

Kay?

less than 3, 

Emily

Currently listening to: The Cake Song from Lazytown

GETCHURWANDSUP!

I was going to blog about something important.

Yeah, not so much.

Enjoy the comic above.

Bold As Love.

I'm scared that I rush into things. Like, I legit rush so fast that by a week, I'm totally over it. I don't want to do that again. I want someone to like me and for me to like him, and to last for a long time. Not a month, not 2 weeks. I want it to last awhile. That might be selfish, but he's cute. He's amazing to me. I've known him for less then 24 hours. He already seems perfect. 

It can't be true. I just want to know if it really is. 

All I hear is talk and I just want to ignore it. I just want to be with someone who loves me. Because that would be awesome...but we'll just see. I don't want to fail at this like I have in the past. Because that would kill me. Or just hurt me very very badly. UGH.

The largeness of this hood makes me look like a dementor. ACCIO LOVE!

Best Wishes!

Currently listening to: Kiss and Sell by the Maine :))))))

From a democrat's point of view.

I felt outraged after seeing this on facebook: 

"_______ will no longer watch the news so I wont know what the president does and wont really care"

"_______ is the commies are comming! the commies are coming! Hope your happy...the middle class is screwed!"

"_______ has lost faith in the American People......wonder how many of them voted for Obama just because he is black......"

"Exactly! at least sc pulled thru with a republican majority"

"yes. glad to live in a smart state."

"_______ unfortunately, president obama !"

"_______ obama is president :( "

"_______ we're all dead."

-Those are the status updates from McCain supporters on facebook. 

I just don't under stand them...especially the bold ones.

Don't Worry 'cause It's All Under Control...

But sometimes I worry it isn't. What can you do?

I can't watch any youtube videos. My mother is eating up the intarwebz, so sorry. I'll watch you tomorrow...and hopefully make a video tomorrow. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS TOMORROW?! THE RELEASE OF PAPER TOWNS BY JOHN GREEN!!!! I don't think I've ever been this excited for a book to come out...even Harry Potter! Lolzers, Harry and the Potters just came on iTunes. 

I've been meaning to blog more. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't haz time. I swear I've sat down at 10PM and been like "Do I have time to blog tonight?" and the answer is always no because I have 203948320948 videos to watch. Since the intarwebz is all laggy, I have time time tonight :)

Band is ridiculous. I spend ALL my time there and the section is just getting really bitchy and horrible. People are controlling and we just don't want it. I can take care of myself fine, thank you very much. I care too much about something I have very little control over.

One of my best friends has completely forgotten about me. I don't know what else to do.

Paper Towns comes out tomorrow. Buy It. It'll make me, John, Hank, and all the nerdfighters happy. It's the only real thing that I'm looking forward to.

Hi, my name is Emily.

Currently Listening To: Firefly by Blue Skies (cover)

Back to the Middle of Nowhere

It has literally been age since I've listened to the album version of Hot Hot Heat's "Middle of Nowhere" and it brings back memories. Memories of when I knew what was going on, and there was no complication of out-of-state and international friends. My friends that were farthest away were 2 hours because of camp. The internet has shown me my best friends and along with it brought loads of complications. But this isn't about the internet, or youtube, or friends. This is about a time when I knew what to expect. I knew to expect that I would fight with a friend, I would wear plaid pajamas to school and not care, and act like I owned the world and life was good. Those days are gone, and when we live them, we don't treasure them. We should, but hey, we don't have time to savor good moments in life, do we? We're too busy living our everyday life to remember that life is good. It's good and it's nice and we don't realize it living everyday life. Hell, if we had a chance to realize that life was this good, we wouldn't be crying over lost money, lost love, or a difference of opinion. Granted, we probably would be too hurt or to scared to remember that life is good. 

We always wish we were back to the time when life 

was simple and life was good. Life is good. you just have to realize it.

Hi, My name is Emily.

Currently Listening to: Four of Five by Backseat Goodbye.

They're Spreading Blankets On The Beach

This is obviously not me. If life was as I wanted, I could be. I mean, not the fact that I would be preggers, but you know. I would have a cute boyfriend who I was totally in love with who would play guitar with and be totally nerdy with. There's so much that I want and I just can't haz it.

Roman's birthday is tomorrow. I'm baking him cookies. And then writing him a letter, skanks to the idea of one Charlie and Emily. I feel like a mega-bad person, but I mean, I've been putting it off for a few weeks.

I have thursday off. I think I'll bake some cookies. I LIKE TO BAKE. Ben says that I'll be a really good wife because I'll bake and make dinner and then do what my husband has asked of me. Maybe I can, you know, be a good wife and um, also be my own person?

I really think I like you. 

Too Bad. 

Hi, My name is Emily.

Currently listening to: First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes

My Chops

Are TOAST! My lips literally feel ridiculously chapped and worn out and this ensures that I probably will play very very little tomorrow night at the football game. But that's okay. I'm only in it for the boys ;).

If I only had one more hour in the day, preferably between 3-4PM then life might be a little more sweet. We would call this hour...oh...Thour? That would be the designated hour for me to talk to my intarwebz friends. I never get ANY time EVAR to talk to them. Especially since band started and saturdays are completely off limit now. I don't even want to talk about Saturday's schedule. 

Fine, you convinced me to!

I'm up at 9:30 so I can be at the high school by 10 so I can get to the parade by 10:15. Then I have the township day parade which apparently, SARAH PALIN WILL BE ATTENDING. I swear, if Sarah Palin tries to come near the band... Okay let's not sound to threatening. After the parade, I have to eat lunch in about an hour. I then have band until 3:15 then dinner and leaving. Then comes the band bus. Oh, I love the band bus. People get naked and people make out and people are just...humans. Then comes the anxiety. Warm up and practice for the competition, and then we compete. I'm estimating our arrival home at around 10-10:30. I'm just HOPING that I'll be able to talk to you all when I come home. 

Don't think this is a lie. I miss you guys so much and I just wish it was summer again so I could talk to you for 12 hours or more a day.

All in all, I miss you. Come live with me and we can have a party. If not, then a skype/msn/aim party will be order. 

<3

Hi, My name is Emily.

Currently listening to: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.

Burning Up...

This is how I foresee some of the comments on this blog going down.

"YOU LIKE THE JONAS BROTHERS?! They = so ghey."

"OMG a fellow JoBros Fan? Join my facebook group!!!!!!!"

"Who is teh Jonas Brothers?"

Lulz, in a change of pace, my iTunes shuffle turned Big Damn Buildings by Videos For Pictures (Jay) on. It's ironic because he hates the Jonas Brothers. And now the song is Bigcitydreams by Nevershoutnever! 

Tomorrow is Rosh Hashanah, so thanks to the practicing jews in my school I have off. I plan on sleeping in, eating brunch, then playing frisbee with friends and then babysitting? Wait, I'm gonna go--no new messages so I don't if I'm babysitting yet. But I'm excited for the sleeping in part and the no homework part. The frisbee part even more so.

Speaking of Jay, he just told me that Radiohead was the for realz inventors of Trock. See song : Up On The Ladder. The first two lines? Thom Yorke is a genius. 

The point of this blog was nothing. 

I think that Kevin Jonas is hot.

Hi, My name is Emily...

Listening to: You All Believe by Danger: Radio

Oh Really?!

I wish that I had a clippy to lead me through life. As much as I hate him for being annoying whilst typing papers and stuff, he gives some damn good advice.

For God knows what reason, I've begun to think that my boyfriend is just a friend and a friend is more then that. But for some reason I'm still using the "I have a boyfriend" defense in conversation. It's like, "Honestly, mind. Can't you just make a decision?" 

The football game tonight was amazing. I sat next to "friend" and we talked the entire night. Though, I must admit it was a really weird conversation, it was amazing. It was the something that I've been looking for in my real boyfriend, but UGH. Things just aren't easy. They are fo SHO not gonna get any easier, either. I just popped my ears.

I don't think I'm ready yet. 

Not ready for anything.

Hi, My name is Emily.

Currently listening to: Rumored Nights by the Academy Is...

Paranoia, Everybody's coming to get me!

I think it's really funny how when I try someone new, that I already know about, it mostly comes out really good. I was actually tooling around on iMovie today, recording some really rudimentary stuff. Then when I decided to add some vocals to a song, it sounded DAMN good. So I think I might record a cover of the song this blog is entitled from a quote after. Well, if it's not too cliche. I know a BUNCH of people have posted music videos/covers to this song, so I don't know, It depends. 

New Phrases for Daily Use:

-For Realioz?

-What What Wiggity What Now?

The situation with the boyfriend right now has got me so confused. He acts like I'm just a friend so I don't know if he still actually likes me. I have 0000 idea what's going on right now, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. I only see him in lunch so it's not like I see him all the time. I mean I can't really base a relationship off of 27 minutes, 2/3 of it are spent eating. Speaking of school, it's odd that tomorrow's back to school night, because I feel like I've already been in school for AGES. Band either makes the fall go really fast or really slow, and it's going kind of slow right now. I wish I could just sit at home and sleep for ages and talk to my e-bff's. Alas, I still need to attend school so I can learn how to:

-Speak French

-Give CPR and other emergency care

-Do advanced math...(really, school?!)

-Sing/Play Baritone

I guess if I'm learning how to speak french that means I can make my transition over to the UK easier. Who knows? Transitioning over to the UK sounds like a really good idea. I really want to go to the UK for college/university/whatever they call it over there. I need to do more research for college options over there, but I know that the UK sounds like a good place for me to go to school, post high school. I imagine that I'll let Ben stay in my dorm for a few nights if need be. Megalulz, already planning 2 years into the future. 

Also, while we're on the UK, I'm planning Charlie's package. For all those who don't know, I'm sending him a "mystery package" and he's sending me a "mystery package." The reason that mystery package is in quotations is because we already kinda know what's going to be in each of our packages. But still, I'm excited because I'm planning a few surprises. All you can expect from me is a mix CD, some pictures (maybe baby), and a letter. Everything else is a secret :]. I'm soooooo pumped!

Well, I feel like I've fully poured out my heart for now.

Hi, My name is Emily.

Currently Listening to: If you can figure out this song, then I'll give you a link to a secret video.

I made the wrong decision.

I thought I knew what I wanted. Ends up I didn't and now I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

I'm Not Even Catholic.

Listening To: Nothing Better by the Postal Service.

I've Stopped Thinking...

Sometimes I just let things impact me. Dumb things, stupid things, insane things. They impact me and I just want to cry. Today I came home from school early because I was sick and I spent all afternoon watching Doctor Who and waiting until I fall asleep. I never fell asleep because Doctor Who was so dramatic. Watching Christopher Eccleston regenerate into David Tennant made me really sad. Ben & Charlie have already heard about this.

Life is feeling kinda lonely right now.

It's not what I thought it would be.

Oh well.

Hi. My Name Is Emily.

Currently listening to: California by Phantom Planet 

So much changes and yet I don't know how I got here...

A few weeks ago I was complaining about how I was never ever gonna be in a relationship and no one likes me. And last night I find myself in a relationship with a cute boy. 

DID I JINX MYSELF OR SUMMAT?

That would be a nice jinx if I did. Have I ever said to anyone that I actually wish on my eyelashes, because I do. And most times I wish for superficial things, but I guess maybe wishing on my eyelashes and at 11:11 has been working. Because this year has basically been looking up majorly. I'm so excited. But at the same time, I'm kinda scared of it. If I remember correctly, I sucked at relationships and nothing really worked out. But maybe it was because I was in middle school and had 0000 idea of what I was doing. So maybe I'm smarter and I can take things seriously. 

So yeah, I haz a boyfriend. He's a cutie. I think I'm his first girlfriend so things'll get interesting. I fell asleep on a couch last night and our friend Connor took a picture of me and sent it to the BF with the caption, "The Morning After." Of course, I was curled up into the fetal position and sleeping facing the couch. I megalulz'd when I found out. Later on when I had woken up, the BF sat down with me and I put my head on his lap and life just felt right.

Everything. Feels. Right. 

I'm so excited for life right now.

Hi, My name is Emily.

Listening to: Don't Stop by Girl Talk

Tell all the english boys you meet...

I'm kinda screwed over right now...in a situation that I never thought that I would be in, really. It's been two years since anyone's been interested in me and I've been at least semi interested in them. And now, everything is kinda just...blowing out of control. A boy likes me, and I think I like him. I like a boy and I think he likes me. The two situations just makes everything suck so bad. Like, I don't think things could work out at all.

I.

Don't.

Want. 

To.

Be.

In.

This.

Position.

Hi. My name is Emily.

Listening To: Jude Law and a Semester Abroad by Brand New

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba...

How is it that on the first day of school I'm already drenched in awkward sauce? I got yelled at about 2 times by the jerk in my homeroom, and subsequently did not care. French I was meh. Mr. Weiss is awesome sauce, and very coolio. I'm excited for it, because it's a small class and even though I'm not really friend with anyone in the class, I can make the best of it. And plus, some friends of friends are in the class so I can just chill with them right? Gym, not to excited, but Becca and Shannon are in the same general gym area. It's so weird to be enemies with someone for so long, and then just one day last year, you're friends again. At least I have someone to talk to and I'm okay with that. Math is a meh area for me. Mr. Jackson is super cool and made us decode lolspeak today. That was cool, but then I gave up most of my dignity and sang 7 Things by Miley Cyrus, but he gave me some starbursts so it was pretty cool. The class has a few good people in it, but nothing great. Chorus = Crazy! I said hi to Bobnak and she ran up and gave me a hug, and I'm the only one who she hugged so favorite maybe?! I still kinda don't like chorus, but I'll deal. Band tomorrow isn't exactly my favorite class. The freshman flutes are the reason I won't be happy, but since I'm in brass for now, I'll be okay. I think I'm switching full time to a brass, so I'll be semi-rid of them for now. 

A year ago I made this blog post on my xanga. I was such a youngin'.

This year is looking up.

Hi. My name is Emily.

listening to: Thrash Unreal by Against Me!

So...

IT sucks. Life sucks. As much as I'm excited for school to start and for band camp to be done and the fun to start, I can't wrap my head around the fact that I miss you. I see you all the time and I just want to waltz right up to you and make a conversation. And I can't because I ended the friendship. I'm gonna seem a like a pussy and somehow I'll have lost all respect for myself. I've done so well without seeing you, and life was better. I just can't deal with the fact that all these people are okay with you. You hurt me and you don't even care. And as much as I don't want to say it, you obviously don't want to be friends anymore. If you wanted to be friends, you would've made the effort. And since I haven't heard one word out of you since I sent the letter, I can tell you don't want to make the effort. Your new friends (though I love them and they're some of the nicest people I've ever met) have turned you into a dick. You used to tell me that you tried and you tried, but you could never be a dick. Well look at you now, apparently you have reached your goal. You're an asshole who doesn't care about anything but looks and clothes and everyone who isn't me. I know that underneath all that bullshit I know you're still there and you have the same heart you ever did. Whatever it takes to find it, I know you can get there, but I can't help you with that. You need to realized that you hurt people, and that until you realize that and apologize I don't think I can be friends with you. As much as it hurts me to say it, I can't reclaim a friendship with you. I still miss you and I won't stop missing you. Our friendship reached down deep, and I loved you for that. I don't think I really loved you like someone you marry, but someone who cared about me and realized that I needed someone to help me along before I hurt myself in a bad way. You kept me away from all the bullshit in life and you knew that I didn't know where to stop. Since I haven't been around you, I've learned to take care of myself and that's a good thing. I'm not dependent on you, and thats good. But I just wish I could bring back what we once had and life didn't suck so bad without you.

Love,

Emily.

Listening to: Never Run Again-The Working Title

I'm Quite The Joke To You...

I don't think I've ever wanted to blog this bad. I wanted to do a late night blog whilst on vacation, but I never had the charger/laptop because Momma always wanted it late. Whatever...here goes.

I kept having the weirdest dreams. I had this one where I ended up dating a guy who I hated this past school year. I had another dream where I went on a road trip with a guy who ended up being a nerdfighter, and we fell in love. It sucks waking up from dreams like those, because I know I'm just gonna end up feeling lonely again. I haven't been in a relationship for almost 2 years, and the past year of my life, I didn't kiss anyone. I came close, but nothing ever came of it. It sucks, and I just sit in an empty hotel room, and realize "Oh hey, you're lonely, and no matter how much you wish that something good will happen to you, you know it never will." I'll listen to love songs, and hope that one day I can dance to one with a guy I really like. But each time I hear the song, I just want to cry. And maybe it's my fault that I never get anywhere with someone. I'm just so upfront about dumb things, and make jokes that should never be said. It hurts that people who are (no offense) way less attractive then I am, find someone and I can't. And that's not to say that I'm a concieted person, it's just sucks when someone who looks like a boy finds a boyfriend and I can't. I try so hard to look my best and to present myself in a way that is appealing, but all I get from people is that they hate my personality and I'm annoying. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but I just feel like I need this approval. And I keep thinking that maybe if I dress differently, maybe if I look different, maybe if I lost the glasses, and lost some weight, then someone would find me attractive. But I try so hard and people wonder why I look different. I just have one question for you people:

What am I doing wrong?

I try. I really do. But honestly, is there anything I can do to make myself more appealing? Because I can almost never find comfort in anything. The one thing that makes me feel a bit better is music. I can find comfort in the songs of people feeling lonely, and comfort in break up songs. 

I'm just gonna feel hollow for now. I think I'll be okay.

listening to: A Little Bit Longer, Jonas Brothers.

PS: Before any of you rip on me for liking the Jonas Brothers, A Little Bit Longer is about diabetes, a disease that both Nick Jonas and I have. Please just realize that it's not about them being mega-stars, it's about the disease. Just...chill.

yes please!

This is not my heart...

I'm beginning to think that right now, I can repair some friendships. Writing letters helps me get what I need to say across to the person who I need to say it to without looking like a pussy on the internet, and not having to have them shout back into my face.

And letters mean something to me.

When I get a letter, I tape it to my wall. 

So there, I think I'll just do some healing?

Maybe I'll do that after taking video clips 

In front of the LOVE statue in center Philly.

I never cease to amaze myself with my great ideas.

Hi. My name is Emily.

listening to : About A Girl by The Academy Is... (new album out August 19th!)

I wrote this for a myspace survey, but turned into something much deeper.

Ever since that fateful day, I haven't fully been able to trust you. I forgave you more easily then some other people, but it doesn't mean that I completely forgive you. You lied to me, and then showed me how you didn't care about our friendship right in front of my face. We used to be best friends, honestly and truly. And ever since August, you can't even seem to make time to be my friend. You always are with your other friends, and it shows that you've changed. On your birthday this year, I got really pissed off, and I couldn't even look you in the face. When you asked me what was wrong, I had to lie to you, because you're such a nice person that I couldn't bring up how hurt I was. It wasn't until I realized who I was talking to, that I realized that the only reason you were talking to me was because I was talking to all your new friends. You only come to me when you need me to buy tickets to your band's show. It wasn't until lately when a friend pointed it out to me that you've been using me, no matter how much I denied it. I just didn't want to find something wrong with you, I had this perfect image of you in my mind that I didn't want to alter. Writing this has got me to thinking that if you haven't realized what you've done to me, then you really have no idea whatsoever.

More then enough people have pointed this out to me, but I think it's time to move on.







Listening to: Chelsea Dagger- The Fratellis

Many things make me lulz.

I just found out that I'm part scottish! I don't know why this makes me so happy, but it does. Actually I do know why this makes me so happy but I really don't want to share that information with you now, lulz. I've recently become very very amused with Doctor Who and shows associated with it (i.e. Torchwood). I've never really likes Sci-Fi before but with the right actors and the right story lines, things can go very very good.

I baby sat (or mothers helping, whatever) two halfies today. The two year old girl was the one I spent the most time with, and she was good for most of the time. The 6 month old baby was adorabibbles. He was so good, he just chills and watches TV. When we went for a walk, the two year old wouldn't stop screaming (I later found out that her mother could hear her halfway down the block) so I stopped the stroller and got in the front and said "If you don't stop screaming for your mommy, I'm going to make this a longer walk and you won't be able to see mommy for a longer time" and then she quieted down. I feel like baby sitter of the year.

I'm loving life =]

Hi, My name is Emily.

currently listening to: Brat Pack by The Rocket Summer

When Words Can't Describe How I Feel

Things are either really good or really bad. In this case, it's really really good! Tonight is the show for the summer. I haven't seen Cute Is What We Aim For since 2006. And the funny thing about this is that Dave Melillo was his own solo act when I last saw him, and now, he's in Cute! And Powerspace, oh my lord. Their album The Kicks of Passion got me through the year last year, and I am so excited to finally see them IRL. And Andrew de Torres from The Scene Aesthetic is in Danger: Radio. Yay life.

YAY.

currently listening to: AP Podcast #20-Guest: Motion City Soundtrack

I have never been

So fucking bored in my life. I pretty much feel like doing homework; That's how bored I am. No one is on AIM, no one is on facebook, and no one is on myspace. In fact, I will entertain myself with completely re-doing my myspace and planning my birthday. I was going to play guitar, by my mind is being ghey and it won't let my write songs. But it will let me play Miley Cyrus songs. Someone once told me that I looked like Miley Cyrus when I smiled. I DON'T GET IT. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE HER. Blegh, whatever. 

I basically got a summer job baby sitting on odd days and such, but I'm excited because that's basically my source of income, along with doing the laundry. I should be pumped for Warped Tour. 

Birthday plans are as follows: 

July 19th, 2008.

All meet at my house, and we drive down to the Franklin Institute. We hang out there for about 3 hours, and then come home for cake and presents? Yeah, cake and presents.

As unelaborate as it seems, I think it'll be pretty chill and a fun time to hang out with people I never see anymore. It could be moncho* amounts of fun. 

As for life, I think I have a pretty great one. But I think I like someone that I know things can't work out between the two of us, so that's kinda digging myself into a really deep hole. Other then that, I think I'm good.

That's life.

Hi, my name is Emily

Listening to: Attractive Today-Motion City Soundtrack

*-Moncho is the name of a horse that my friends and I love, and also means really big, titanic, humongoid 

To Tell You The Truth...

Summer is a bummer. For now. whateversz.

listening to: Alternative Press Podcast #17-The AP Tour

please let me disappear

i cant be around you if you're going to treat me so badly

i need to get out of here

please let me disappear.

listening to: Lizzy-Ben Kweller (Blue Skies cover)

Right as things start to go well

Something always has to go wrong. I never thought that one of my best friends would just start ignoring me one day and then tell me that I mean nothing to her. I took the fall for her. I stood up for her when people criticized her. I got her out of trouble when she totally could've gotten in trouble with me. But out of nowhere, I try to apologize then she calls me off on everything I've done. Every time I'm happy, she always has to put me in a bad mood. She went back on her words that she promised to me. She put my friendship with my serious best friend in complete jeopardy, because she couldn't hold back. I've tried to fix things after a complete tear in our friendship, and things just get worse. I can't try to say I'm fine, because this fight has been tearing me apart. But now I don't even want to try to think, because things are starting to get so shitty. I knew that things were starting to get bad, but I never thought she would just tell me she doesn't care. Even if she says that she doesn't, I know that somewhere she still does. 

listening to: Hide and Seek-Imogen Heap

It's You That I Adore

Sometimes I think that life is way to complicated to be good, but it's actually great. I have a feeling about summer, and about life, that makes me want to get up and dance. Though, I must admit that I'm going to be in a really weird mood for the rest of the school year, and until finals are over and I don't have to go to school, it's going to be that way. But I don't care, because summer is almost here! I have finished my song of fepic proportions. Part of me wants to put it up here, but then again I want to wait until it's a video then post. 

-Threads of Sincerity on Friday

-The Goaround on Saturday

-Possibly hang out with Katie sunday

-Work on shitty science project all weekend.

Otherwise, I have a great weekend.

hi. my name is emily.

listening to: Second, Minute, or Hour-Jack Peñate

I waste so much time

My family is coming down for graduation in DUNDUNDUN 2 weeks to the day.I have to clean my room. It's not even a joke. Because it's so jokes.

For seriously, My room was really clean. Then my parents decided it was a good idea to put all of their crap in my room, because we're cleaning the house. So now my room looks like a bomb exploded in there.

I watched a movie yesterday and the day before on WWII, called Enemy at the Gates. It's about Stalingrad, starring Jude Law (drool), Joseph Fiennes (MEGADROOL), and Rachel Weisz. That women made me really pissed. Joseph Fiennes character was in love with her, and then she went and had sex with Jude Law. I was so pissed. But, the end made me cry. They hung a little boy and shot Joseph Fiennes in the face!!!!!! I am in love with that man. Oh what a shame. It made me sad sad sad.

That's besides the point. I'm almost done writing the song previously mentioned in this blog. 

I think that I'll put it up on youtube when I'm finished.

Hi, i'm emily.

listening to: Washington Square-Counting Crows

So i am writing a song

Here a the lyrics to a song i am in the process of writing. It's a little be Backseat Goodbye, a little bit Jack Johnson...or so i think. here goes nothing.

I woke up this morning to the sound of Blue Skies

And I realized today would be the best day of my life

The sun shone through the window at an alarming pace

I pulled off the covers with a smile on my face

So I grabbed my guitar and started singing this song

Cause I know you want something you can sing along to

It's a great day and I'm glad you're here to spend it with me

We can watch the clouds of go to a drive in and see old movies

I just want to bide my time with you

If you'll spend your days with me too

the first line is exactly how it sounds. 

It's not my fault we ended up like this.

I don't think it's fair that the only guy who calls me attractive has to hate one of my best friends. It's this dumb shit that has been going on for a while. And apparently, he seriously likes me too. 

This sucks. But I shall stay optimistic. 

I went to Chinatown town yesterday. Public transit is confusing. Since the El was closed, I had to take the bus until the subway. But we got on the wrong train and it took us 2 1/2 hours to get home.

I got confirmed this morning. Yay Jesus? We went out for lunch afterwards and I got belgian waffles. Yum. 

I feel the need to write something meaningful.

I bought a capo yesterday in Chinatown, so I shall record and write some more music. I am indeed excited for that. I just have to get on the lyrics. My biggest struggle.

Have fun at the beach in your mind,

Emily.

Listening to: Everything-A Cursive Memory

quote for the day

"shove a finger up your ass and call it a day"

if snarky remarks were a job, then my forte would be useful.

i want to write for a living.

I've been trying to figure out for the past few years what I wanted to do with my life. Which pretty much sucks because every one knows what they want to do, and they've known it forever. But the other day, I realized I wanted to write. And I've always wanted to write, but lately, I've been trying to get into music. I can't believe that I never thought of writing about music. SHIT! that's a pretty genius. i wish i had thought of this before. and the best part. I know how to write and I listen to music. I'm all set up =]

Don't Get Mad If I'm Laughing

Last night was Hot Hot Heat at The Electric Factory. I was seriously unimpressed. And maybe it's because I was so built up from the first Hot Hot Heat show that I expected so much from something that could never be so amazing. I guess all my anger starts at the venue. I absolutely HATE the Electric Factory. It wasn't crowded as much as Hellogoodbye in 2006 was, but it was still somewhat filled. It sucked hardcore that we were 2nd row again, but I still got looks. I always hated the fact that the stage was about 6 feet away from the crowd, and the stage is above your head. At the TLA, they're at your waist level, no more than 1/2 a foot away. I mean, Louis XIV had a great sound and were super energetic, and Hot Hot Heat had a great show! But after the show, we found out that Hot Hot Heat wasn't gonna come out, because they had done a meet and greet before the show. And that pretty much sucked hardcore. But Caroline and I started hanging out with Jason from Louis XIV. He was really nice, and then I found out he was crazy drunk. From here on in, I can't release any more information, I promised. But I think the blurry part that I'm not allowed to say is what made my concert night really...intense. I just wish that the element of the concert was different. I wish that it was at the TLA and that Hot Hot Heat was headlining, but unfortunately, I can't change things. I just can't shake this feeling.

Emily 

I could do my homework. Nahh.

Last night, as I'm falling asleep, I started thinking about things. And not normal things, things like "have I ever really loved? or was it all just a facade for lust?" And now I have no idea. I was thinking about all the people I've ever been with, and I've never felt the safety that I wanted to in their arms. My thing is that I want to feel safe when I'm with a person and that no one could ever hurt me while I was with them. But to tell you the truth, I can honestly say I've never really felt that. I think I've felt a false sense of security, where I've convinced myself that I felt that, when I really didn't. But the one person who made me feel safe is someone who I used to love, but I don't anymore. Someone who I can never be with and someone that could and always be my best friend. He's such a great person that I don't know where I'd be without him. And when he hugged me, I felt so safe and so secure. But recently, I haven't talked to or seen him in awhile, and I've been able to sustain myself. I've been able to hold onto what I felt was something that I would've had to tell him in the past. Maybe I'm becoming self-sufficient, or maybe I've just taught myself to live without someone who I can really trust.

But I miss it. I sincerely do. I never talk to him and I miss him. He's not a love interest. He's just my best friend, and I hope that other things don't get in the way before we lose all contact whatsoever. 

Emily

Today is January 1st, 2008. 

And somehow, I feel the same as I did yesterday. It's not like anything has changed but the date. Things still stand as they did yesterday. I'm still single, I'm still a diabetic, and I'm still best friends with my best friend. Things haven't significantly changed in the past 24 hours, and how can anyone expect them to? It's just...odd. Because as much as I want this year to be the best year ever, I can't say that it will. It depends on how things play out. And I hope things work out for me this year. Because that would be pretty freaking awesome.

New Years Resolutions:

Be who I want to be

Buy more hard copies of albums

Work out more

Hug more people

Tell one of my best friends how much I hate that I don't talk and see him anymore

Listen to more good wholesome music

love,

Emily